We’re off to the races on headline of the year

Well we’re only 3 weeks into 2021 and already we have a few contenders for the year’s best headline. Much like a royal rumble however though, there is a disadvantage to being too early. We’ll probably have long forgotten about these come next December. So might as well enjoy them now!

We’ve got two stellar headlines. First up:

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle Reportedly Exploded, Starting an “Inferno” in a Woman’s Living Room.

Alright that’s a lot of energy to bring into the room all at once here. Exploding candles that smell like Gweneth Paltrow’s junk. Alright.

I’m just gonna let you click the link and learn about that one on your own time. This is a journey you have to take by yourself.



Up next:

Colombia’s ‘cocaine hippos’ must be culled, scientists say — but not everyone agrees

There’s a lot to appreciate about this one. Headlines can have many qualities. Some are informative, giving you all the info you need in just a few words. But some headlines prefer to keep it subtle and leave some questions to still be asked. Like Classified’s girlfriend who leaves a bit to the imagination. What is a cocaine hippo? Why must we cull them? Or potentially not cull them at all? Whatever a cocaine hippo is, it sounds controversial and I must admit I’m intrigued.

This time I’ll save you a click. Here’s the short version of the story: Back in the day Pablo Escobar had a private zoo on his ranch. He brought 3 hippos into columbia and eventually they bred and left their zone, and today there’s about 80 hippos in a place that has absolutely no business having any amount of hippos. They think they should probably get around to culling them but some animal advocates say they should just castrate them and let the problem fix itself eventually.